Meet the Spider Boss.

*drop the bass*

Spider Boss! Spider Boss! Does whatever a Spider Boss does! Can she swing from a web? No, she can’t, but she can ruin your day eight ways to Sunday with death beams, spiderlings, orbs of energy, body slams, flaming wads of web, etc.

SPOILER ALERT.

Like a Boss - Spider Boss - With Barry

“So, do you come here often?”

Coming from the game Inside My Radio, the Spider Boss is the final enemy you must beat in order to save the world inside the boombox. She (I assume that she’s a she because she spawns out tiny spiders) is a huge cybernetic spider that managed to enter the boombox and disrupted the beat of the world. Essentially, the Spider Boss is the reason why our tiny LED heroes must go through all those obstacles and try to save their own little world from its destruction.

Like a Boss - Spider Boss - Chase

This is just cheating.

One of the first encounters of this eight-legged behemoth is when she tries to chase out our reggae guy Root through a cave full of obstacles and, of course, spider web. All Root has to do is to run as fast as he can and jump through all the obstacles in his way. All Spider Boss has to do is to ram through the obstacles to get to Root. Once you miss a beat and slide down a ditch, you’re good as dead. The best way to outrun her is to dash like there’s no tomorrow and hope you don’t trip because you will get to a point in the cave wherein you have no choice but to force your way through a thick wall of web and every inch of lead you have against her means a lot.

Like a Boss - Spider Boss - Barry

You just have to push that red button. Always a red button.

The next encounter would be with disco dude Barry. Barry has it easy; all he has to do is to dodge her charges and body slams and stomp her butt or hit one of her legs when they go red. But do not be too complacent. When Spider Boss hits you, she can regain her health up to a point. Let her hit you enough times and your effort to get her weakened will be nullified. Once defeated, she will do one last hurrah and gobble up Barry. Surprise! She’s not dead yet. And now she has spouted a huge ass barrel on top of her abdomen.

Root encounters this beast once again in a second time. This time, Spider Boss is clinging on to the ceiling just above Root’s reach. Root must now find a way to hit her while dodging laser beams and energy balls coming from her butt cannon. As an added difficulty, Root must also avoid getting fried by the fences on the sides of the wall. After draining her life down to nil, she would then use a tractor beam to suck up Root for her nourishment. She likes to eat tiny musical guys, apparently.

Like a Boss - Spider Boss -  Final Encounter

I just hope I’m not the only one who sees them as glowing hot coconuts.

The final encounter with this boss is with Taek. Now situated in the background, all Spider Boss has to do is to hurl fiery spitwebs at our little guy. Taek has to avoid getting pelted by this infernal rain of what seems like superheated coconuts. Sounds easy? Hell no. The spitwebs burst when it hits the ground so you can’t just stand up between two falling spitwebs just because they’re spaced far enough that you could easily fit in, nope. In addition to that, once it hits you, you have to go do the whole evading thing again. So, you can just imagine the frustration of almost getting through it and on the last note you get too clumsy and you have to do it all over again. Once you survive, however, Spider Boss gets so pissed off that she just literally implodes from the anger and spits out your two other friends. Congrats, you just saved the boombox by pissing off a giant spider to death.

Like a Boss - Spider Boss -  Advice

Nice advice.

Why do I like this boss? Well, aside from the fact that I am fond with spiders because I have a pet tarantula, I like this boss because she looks like she is harmless and easy enough to deal with but then Spider Boss managed to get me super frustrated on the cave chase part and most especially on the final encounter. I had to do the levels over and over again until I got it right. Also, I like how she was designed to look like a bulky menacing spider with a huge butt; got to love them huge butts. So, word of advice: do not take this boss too lightly despite how clumsy she looks. And also, take care of your boomboxes so that they won’t get overrun by spiders.